Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Baby steps will set you free

Progress is sometimes baby step blessings, which end up being one of the biggest blessings in your life.  Are you ready to appreciate the baby steps, or just stuck on seeing the big picture?  I challenge you today, just be.  Don’t need a title, don’t need validation from anyone other than yourself.  When you go stand before God, he isn’t going to go “well, lets see, maybe I should talk to your stepkid(s) to see if they think you deserve to go to heaven.”  He’s going to see how you validated yourself to yourself and judge you by that.  

Last night, it was meet the teacher night.  Suddenly since I entered the picture as the custodial stepmom, the kids mom has decided to take a more active approach in the kids life.  I applaud this; they need her just as much as they need me to be present in all aspects of their life.   I welcome the help in co-parenting.  I don’t want her to feel I’ve excluded her from any aspect of their life.  It’s weird for her when I contact her for mom things, and that’s okay.  We have to figure this co-parenting thing out for the kids.  It’s not always comfortable, but we always manage to make it through.  Last night my 3rd in command stepson’s speech teacher asked if I was Brayden’s mom.  I smiled very huge, and said No, I’m the stepmom.  I owned being the stepmom with huge pride.  It was very freeing for me when Hunter’s reply was I was his the other night, it allowed me to not care what a title implied about me.  The speech teacher repeated stepmom with THE weirdness in her voice.  It didn’t even phase me.  I smiled and said, yes!

I realize that most sites will tell you, that the stepmom should never be the one to communicate with the biomom.  Why?  We are an active part of our children lives, especially when you are the custodial stepmom.  We need to learn to be adults with eachother, we have 18 years together to figure this out.  We can’t avoid each other, otherwise all the family occasions are going to be bitter.  I know that I will only be going as my husband’s wife, and nothing more.  Being my husband’s wife is an honor  I cherish.  Just knowing I’m his, will carry me through all the weird times.  Even if she has the golden uterus syndrome you read about, you have to pull up your big girl panties and be an adult.

Quit playing into the role that other people make for you.  Define it for yourself.  Sure, we all get caught up in the struggle.  Choose to make an active decision to make it something better, even when it’s small baby steps.   We are not any title that needs to be defined by anyone other than ourselves.  Empower yourself to think freely and feel freely, and not be pressured by outside sources or yourself to be more.  

http://www.thestepmomstoolbox is now offering guiding sessions, and Peggy is a true blessing.  I suggest you go sign up with her.  She will open your eyes to a different view, and that my folks is what its about.  Changing your own mind to do better, be better and live better.  Go check her out, you won’t regret you did.