Thursday, August 29, 2013

Inflections that don't belong...

Yes, you read the title right.  My great feeling of freedom to just be me and release titles was smashed to the ground yesterday.  There had been progress being made with my 16 year old stepson, but it felt like we took 2 giant steps backwards yesterday.  

We were texting back and forth and he sent me a text about being late to school because we both thought it was late start day.  It wasn’t.  I asked if I needed to call the school to excuse it, because Dad is off on a trip this week.  He sent back No, I will handle it.  The inflection I read into that was: quit trying to be a mom to me, I can do all this without your help.  You haven’t been here the last 2 years we were alone and I sure got along fine without you.  So I replied Ok then.  I honestly felt like I had a pile a bricks dropped on me.  

Saturday, after dad and stepson left for trip, I took the rest of the gang 2 towns over for bowling and Chinese buffet.  We had an awesome time together, even the 16 year old went and seemed to be having a good time.  I helped him get new guitar strings and picks, my bio kids all play and I have been so use to finding picks in the dryer.  Now the older are off at college, I haven’t had that happen.  When I find one now from Tanner’s pants, I just smile.  It brings back fond memories that I didn’t think were so fond back then.  

So yesterday when I read his text, I was right back to confused about our relationship.  I told him; Look I’m not trying to be anything other than dads wife right now.  I’m trying to meet you where we are and build from there. He said ok, thanks.  So later he texts wanting more money, lol yes he’s really more than my husband’s son but that’s ok.  I’m meeting him where he is.  I love him far beyond what I could ever express and him understand right now.    When his grandma and I met him for the pick-up, he was fine and said he would leave it up to me if I wanted to call the school.  I was once again confused.  This morning, he needed me to pop his back.  After doing so, I got to thinking.  Yes, I know, that can be very dangerous.  The inflections we attach to text messages can often not be the right inflections or tone of what is truly being said.  I was so ready to just assume that he was instantly going to smash me because I was trying to take care of something for him.  I’m beginning to realize, he wasn’t.  I’m so use to that being the case, but we both are honestly seeing each other in a different light.  It’s easy to jump to conclusions from past behavior, but we have to stop it.  Change won’t come, if you can’t look forward.