Wednesday, October 23, 2013

A Stepmom's Jealousy

There seems to be a lot of confusion for some spouses about why their new wife has jealousies.  They have a false sense it’s about the other woman’s looks or body.  It’s simply not the case, in mine anyways.  Here are a few things that I find myself jealous overAs bioparents, who never divorce, you have lots of little moments that your child makes you proud.  You get to look at each other and say “We did that”, “We made that together”.   You have the planning of and birthing of children together.  There is a joy, you experience as the third generation of you is born, a grandchild.  As a stepmom, who marries later in life, none of that will you ever share with your spouse.   Watching the creatures that your spouse and someone else created you wonder, what would it have been like to share those moments?

As stepparents our children are born to us under different circumstances, through our heart.  We share no genetic details, or quirkiness.  A lot of times we feel like we are on the outside looking in.   There is an abundance of people who tell you that you have no rights to that child, they aren’t really yours.  I’m here to tell you though, that your thinking is flawed.  My thinking is flawed.  My stepchildren show me this, sometimes daily.  

Hunter is quick to coach me, in being a stepmom.  He will say something to get a response from me, and then he will ask, what are you going to do if I don’t? So I will give him a consequence.  After that, he will tell me, see? That’s how it is done.  It’s no different from the child you gave birth to.  Tanner, will be gone most of the week, the one thing he probably looks forward to most about being home is what I’m cooking for supper.  Just like my other kids.  

Genetics are not what make kids yours.  You will come to findout, your quirkiness rubs off on your stepkids just like your biokids.  You don’t think so?  Wait.  There will be a time; your son will spout off a phrase that comes out of your mouth often.  Your husband will turn and look at you and say “See what you’ve got him saying now”?  Just like if you had given birth to that creature.  You rub off on each other.  

When you are feeling left out or jealous, really stop yourself and reflect over what you are telling yourself in your head.  Is it really real or is it just your Ego, needing stroked.  Ego get the behind me, you are a pain there anyways!